Wake Up

I was taken care of almost my whole life and then listlessly thrown into oblivion. I've stumbled in the dark, and reached for open windows. I let the sickness distort my body, claw out through my spine. I let myself be guided, my perception of life paralleling those who walk the midnight empire. i followed them blindly with promises of fulfillment and satisfaction. Convinced that with each step, each wobbly step in the dimly lit closet of my mind, came the ultimate decision of my life. And I have picked the cross roads, I have pondered all the forks. Yet still I am as empty as I started. I still long for something I cannot define and i am still afraid. My sheltered childhood remains a shadow composed of tiny pixels and it fades away each growing day. And though I cannot admit my youth, the idea of adulthood lingers ever nearer. I'll hide myself, forever fearing to be alone because my only demise is the power of my own thoughts. I colored the destruction with materials of my own, I hid the suffering with people I care nothing about. And when I had explored the depths of my sorrow I found the comfort overwhelmed the pain. Because the only thing I want is the unknown. And this anguish is still so new to me. Being welcomed in the angst of society and dictated the actions and feelings and their relationship with my kind. i have a romance with the night and it kisses me with glee. I have an absolute power I slave to every day. I have walked the universe and spoke the answers I could never see. I let my heart be torn because with each slash remains a scar, and each scar creates a story. And I find beauty in the wounds. The more I search, the less I am defined. And growing old is a terror I cannot bare. Yet i am never afraid of the truth, one of the promises of my kind. The rare breed of seekers dwelling in society's rejects. Because to you, we do not exist.

And the fact that I have walked both sides of universe completely alone have made all the difference. Because in the end, I am all i have left. I am the only one who cares.

"Because what's next is such a mystery to me and I'm afraid of all the things I feel but cannot see."